Scary.

The unknown is a scary place.

My work environment, for the past three years, has felt so comfortable. So easy. So monotonous. With no one to impress and no real plans for movement, in the past three years I have retired heels and mascara from my life.

I have built close relationships with my peers. I use the F-word a lot. I’m not motivated to walk in every day with a driving force…with any force really. It’s crazy to think that where I am going, I will need to remember how to walk in four inch heels, talk the talk, and keep my nose clean.

Here, everyone talks. There are rumors, gossip, and pettiness. You’d think there would be more of it coming from an all-woman environment, but it’s even more dominant here. In man-land.

Glamour says that there are some areas of ‘Assisting’ that result in career suicide:

1.) Not doing the job you were hired to do

2.) Becoming the oversharer

3.) Being unprepared

I think number 2 is my only area to work on. I’ll just have to continually remind myself the sensitive line between trust and work-trust…the two have such separate meanings.

The other scary thing is remembering that, even on days where I eat McDonald’s for breakfast and lunch, skip a shower, and overdraw my bank account…I am a ‘beautiful, empowered woman’ (Deep breaths, repeat, repeat). Things are as in control as I can get them right now, which still kind of feels like chaos.

What’s to become of my degree?

Homework?

Bank account?

I know it’ll even out eventually, but this transitional period is overwhelming. Intimidating. Scary!!!! Will I regret this? Will it be perfect? Will others be happy to see me back?

I sure as hell can give a list of people here who will be happy to see me go! Why do women get so catty? And gawd, if I ended up dating the dude you casually hooked up with for four months under the radar, EXCUUUUSE me.  It’s not about anything other than pride, other than losing. When you chase a man who’s not a real man and still get hurt. What do you call that? Masochism?

Yup. Been there.

Bwuahahahahaha.

 

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