Me: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord our souls to keep–
Trin: Angels watch us through the night and keep us safe ’till morning light.
(In unison- as if we’re on Full House): Dear God, thank you for our family and friends and all the people that we love…
Me:…and Dear God, thank you for our blessings and–
Trin (interrupts); –And thank you for our healthy and luscious foods and Prince Matthew and Daddy and please God, let us have–
Me (interrupts): –A pet bunny. Amen.
Trin (clamps hand over my mouth): Mom!!! You weren’t supposed to say bunny. You were supposed to say a pet PANDA. Paaannndddaaaaa.
Me (defensively): Trinity, pandas are native to China. They don’t even live in the United States. And your hands are kind of stinky. Does Grandma make you wash them before you eat?
Trin (hesitant): Weeeelllll….sooommeettiiimmmess.
Me: You HAVE to wash your hands before you eat, baby. Do you know why?
Me: Because invisible, disgusting little germ bugs live on our toys and everything we touch. They jump onto our hands and hide in between our fingers and wait until we eat. Then, when you eat a cookie, they leap out and land on the cookie and then crawl into your mouth. Then do you know where they go?
Trin (wide-eyed and curious): Where?
Me: Straight down your esophagus and into your stomach. And guts! Then they give you coughs and sneezes. Yuck.
(Trinity pauses, ruminating)
Trin (skeptically): Well, I know. What if I move really fast and eat the cookie before the germ bugs get inside my mouth?
Mom: Not an option. They move faster than little kids. Fast as lightening.
Trin: No way.
Trin: Faster than a leopard?
Trin: Faster than rollerskates?
(? Rollerskates? Really?)
But instead I say: Yup
Trin: Faster than a giraffe?
Trin: Faster than a lion?
(Trin sighs, defeated)
Trin: Ok, Mom. I’ll go wash my hands.
Mom Score: 1 vs Trin Score: Un billón
(Trin washes hands, lays down, cuddles)
Me: Thank you for being my baby.
Trin: You’re welcome.
(Trin falls asleep, I sneak out to blog):